I don’t very much like to encourage the idea of consuming fossil fuels, since the act in itself justifies the demand and thus the exploration, drilling, refining and retail of such a limited and not-so-renewable resource which is put in control of a few. Not only that, but we have seen clear evidence over several decades that mass-consumption of petroleum products it is harmful to the environment. However, we can still exploit this resource towards our own ends (and I do encourage moderation on the consumption). The fossil fuel I am speaking of is petroleum, or crude oil, and its by-product of diesel fuel, which is used to power internal combustion engines in automobiles, planes, tanks, trains, etc.
This post isn’t dedicated to the frugal industrialist looking to cut costs to save his fledgling empire, if you are one of these people, then I suggest you stop paying your workers instead (sarcasm). No, this post is dedicated to the rogue citizen who takes back that which is rightfully theirs from the malicious thieving hordes of moneybaggers. And I thank my brother citizen “meatbag” for the inspiration for this post.
Disclaimer: Disclaimers? We don’t need no stinkin’ disclaimers!!
Imagine yourself at night driving your Volkswagen Rabbit diesel along a stretch of country highway. You notice you’re low on fuel, in fact, you know you’re running on fumes and low on hope of seeing a gas station. You also notice that the highway you’re driving on is currently under construction. Several yards off the side of the road you see bulldozers and backhoes. You may or may not have noticed, but the fuel that powers those construction vehicles is the same that powers your Rabbit! Yes! That’s right, you can siphon the diesel fuel from the backhoe, bulldozer, whatever, into your Rabbit. You no longer have to worry about stranding yourself miles from nowhere in the middle of the night.
The type of diesel fuel used in automobiles is a bit different from that what is used in tractors, tanks, planes, trains, construction implements, etc. It typically contains a higher sulfur content and less detergents, which means more pollution, but it still works and if you need some free fuel, why not take advantage of such an auspicious occasion?
But wait! You still need the necessary equipment. You remember the four foot section of 1/2″ diameter clear hose sitting in your trunk that you bought for $18 at Home Depot or other hardware store, and that five-gallon Jerry can you jacked from some jock’s lifted Rubicon Jeep. If you do not have or do not want to spend the money on a clear plastic hose, the same length of garden hose will suffice although it will take longer to siphon the fuel because the hose diameter is smaller. Damn yo! Now it’s time to get to work.
For this scam, there are several things that you must take into consideration. Time. What time is it? Nighttime is obviously the best time to do this because of more concealment from the dark. Construction crews typically don’t work at night, although some do. Even if the construction site appears to be empty of workers, make sure that there are absolutely no workers, police, pedestrians, motorists, or anyone around to see you. Sure, you can do this during daytime, but you have balls of steel if you do!
Weather. Rain, fog or any inclement weather conditions mean fewer motorists, and thus less chance of getting caught, and more concealment.
Weight. A gallon of diesel fuel weights just over eight pounds. Take this into serious consideration when you are siphoning into several five gallon containers at a time because it gets heavy. One five gallon Jerry can weighs over 40 pounds. Make sure you take only what you can hold.
Chemistry. Diesel fuel is carcinogenic and toxic to the human body if too much is ingested and/or absorbed through the skin. Wearing gloves helps avoid absorption. Using a pump instead of having to suck the fuel out with a hose like a straw will definitely help you avoid accidentally swallowing fuel oil. Diesel is flammable, although its flashpoint is much higher than gasoline. The flashpoint of a chemical is the lowest temperature where enough fluid can evaporate to form a combustible concentration of gas. Type 1 diesel (automobile) is 100 degrees Fahrenheit, type 2 is 125 (implements, tanks, trains, etc). Compare this to gasoline, which is -45 degrees Fahrenheit. When diesel is combusted in the engine, the pressure of the cylinders causes the fuel to combust. Even though diesel has a higher flashpoint and is less flammable than gasoline, that doesn’t make it any less dangerous! When you are in the process of siphoning and transferring the fuel to your car, make sure there are absolutely no open flames.
There are three methods to siphoning: sucking through the hose like a straw, although you risk getting a mouthful of diesel (I’ve never tasted it, but some who have describe it as kind of tasteless, yet you still have the strong smell, and it has an oily texture); you can blow into the fuel tank with the hose which creates pressure inside the tank and it will push the fuel out the tank and through the hose, but in order to make this work you need a seal around the part of the hose that goes into the gas tank, or else you won’t achieve enough pressure–stuffing a rag around the hole of the fuel tank will suffice; you can also use a motorized pump as well, the best kind to use is a 12 volt, 5 gallon-per-minute pump that you can find at any hardware store but you will have to shell out a few bucks for it. You also need a power source, like a battery, so you’re going to have to rig up a portable battery pack, or you could use your car battery if the car is close enough. My ol’ buddy meatbag would carry a bagpack with a 12 volt battery inside, and this can get heavy, since a 12 volt battery is essentially a car battery. Plus the pump can make noise too and if you’re trying to be covert, this is a big no-no.
In the unlikely event that you encounter an antisiphoning device located in the filler neck, it is recommended that you carry a screwdriver with you so that you can punch a hole through it big enough to squeeze in the hose. An 8″ or longer screwdriver ought to suffice. Usually the antisiphoning device is actually removable without having to punch a hole through it, and you’ll sometimes find this on construction or farm implements. Semitrucks typically have a non-removable device.
Construction sites, of course, are only one example of where you will find your sources of fuel. Other locations and sources include fuel barrels, farm implements (I know the idea of stealing fuel from a farmer kind of sucks, but where I come from, the farmers are the ruling class), front-end loaders, back of grocery stores, recycling plants, any kind of factory, quarries, etc. Quarries are good places to hit up because they are generally remote and unsecured or minimally secured. In fact, any place you decide to steal fuel from you want to be absolutely positive that there are no security measures, and if there are, know your way around them. What ever you do, just be extremely vigilant. And be prepared.
If you feel guilty about contributing pollution with high-sulfur diesel, there is an alternative. Anybody who knows anything about diesel engine mechanics knows that diesel is fuel oil, and that any diesel engine can also run on biodiesel and/or vegetable oil. Pure and unused vegetable oil is a bit expensive to use, which is why there is a demand for used vegetable oil to use as fuel for diesel engines. In fact, Rudolf Diesel, inventor of the diesel engine, designed a prototype internal combustion engine to run on peanut oil. This is still possible today as any type of vegetable oil can be used as a replacement for diesel in a diesel engine.
Usually behind any restaurant there will be a grease container where old, used grease is stored, however Chinese restaurants are notorious for having copious amounts of used grease lying wait for easy pickings; Mexican restaurants too. If you pay attention, you might notice that used veggie grease is stored in a separate, labeled container. Head straight for these containers.
Since some people have caught on to this new market for used veggie grease, restaurant owners and managers will try to sell it to make a few extra bucks because otherwise they will end up paying another company to dispose of it, and if they know they can make some cash, you couldn’t pry it out of their cold dead fingers unless you you give them a few filthy greenbacks, although you sure can siphon it right the fuck out of their containers when they’re not looking!
The thing you must remember about used veggie grease is that it must be filtered or else you’ll clog your fuel filter and having to frequently change a fuel filter can get tedious and expensive. The best way to filter out all of the chunks of non-grease material is to use several layers of nylon pantyhose. Cheese cloth works too.
This lil’ scam may not tap (pun intended) directly into the main arteries of big industrial capital, but it certainly will choke off the capillaries. If you deem it absolutely necessary to drive a car, a diesel-powered vehicle is a good choice because it can subvert capital by not even using diesel fuel at all. You can generate your own fuel by saving your used olive or veggie oil, or you can grow your own source of veggie oil: soybeans, corn, hemp, peanuts, etc. The process of extracting the oil is an entirely different matter and maybe I’ll write about it in another post. Until then, take back what is yours. C’est votre tour!